Assertiveness#
Interpersonal EffectivenessWeek 5What is assertiveness?#
- Open communication without disregard for others
- A grey area of compassion for everyone
- Self-advocacy
Passive, Assertive & Aggressive#
| Passive | Assertive | Aggressive |
|---|---|---|
| You win - “I don’t mind”, “that’s fine”, “yes alright”. | We both win - “that’s a good idea, and how about we did this too…”. | I win - “this is what we’re doing; if you don’t like it, tough”. |
| My needs are not met but your needs are met. | Both of our needs are met. | My needs are met, but your needs aren’t met. |
| Avoids eye contact, looking down & teary. | Warm, welcoming & friendly with comfortable eye contact. | Narrow, emotionless staring. Expressionless eye contact. |
| Body posture closed. Stooped or hunched shoulders. | Relaxed, open & welcoming body posture. Active listening & validation. | Upright posture. Head high & shoulders out. Hands on hips & feet apart. |
| Hands are together, fidgety & clammy. | Hands are open, friendly & with appropriate gestures. | Hands are pointing fingers, making or clenching fists. Hands on hips. |
| Compliant, submissive & minimal talking. Vague & non-committal communication. Puts self down while praising others. | Actions & expressions fit with the words spoken. Firm but polite & clear. Respectful of both themselves & others. | Sarcastic & harsh. Always right, superior “know-it-all” attitude. Interrupts & talks over others. Overly critical, patronising & disrespectful. |
| Giving into others, so you don’t get what you want or need. Low self esteem, with critical self-talk. Miserable. | Good relationship with others. Happy without outcome & to compromise. | Makes enemies. Upsets others & self. Leads to anger & resentment. |
Positives of being Assertive#
- Healthier relationships.
- More effective communication.
- Mutual respect.
- Validation for everyone.
- Trust.
- Self-confidence & self-esteem.
Negatives of being Assertive#
- Some situations require a lot of flexibility.
- Being assertive may be futile if the other person doesn’t want to listen.
- Can be misunderstood as “aggression”, especially when utilised by an otherwise passive person.
Remember: It’s okay to be scared - it will get easier with practice!