A Helping Hand(book)

Mon, 01 Jan 0001 00:00:00 +0000

Discussing Problem Solving#

Distress ToleranceWeek 2

Pros & Cons#

Pros of problem-solving	Cons of problem-solving
Receiving other opinions, ideas & different perspectives	Too many options; hard to decide first steps/optimal solutions
Learning to think outside of the box	Hard to work out what the problem is
Thinking more logically - using Wise Mind	Guilt, shame, or other difficult emotions surrounding the decision or the situation
Enables change	Regret
Builds a template for future problems	Out of comfort zone
Minimises distress	Can take time; sometimes the problem isn’t fixable in the moment
Increases confidence	Solving the problem can sometimes feel worse in the moment
Helps to identify triggers	Delays
Avoids black & white thinking	Trusting myself
Improves support from self & others	Trusting others
Helps to vocalise difficulties
Learn to be proactive
Helps you to understand your own options & values
Control
Sense of relief

What might we need?#
- Trying Times Plan
- Comfort items
- Coaching calls
- Trusted friends & family
- PLEASE Skill
What might get in the way?#
- Emotions
- Intrusive thoughts
- Other people
- Bureaucracy
- Missing information
- Shameful of the problem
- Pride/denial
- Self-judgement
- Acknowledgement of the problem
- Knowing what the problem is
- Being in emotional mind
- Dissociation
- Fear of the unknown
- Time
- Regret

Mon, 01 Jan 0001 00:00:00 +0000

Deep Breathing#

Distress ToleranceWeek 3

How to deep breathe#

Hold one hand on abdomen, other on chest.
Breathe in for 5 seconds through the nose, inflating the abdomen.
Hold for 2 seconds.
Exhale for 10 seconds out of the mouth, deflating the abdomen.

Tip: Always try to exhale for longer than you inhale.

General tips#

- Don’t rush it - it’s important to take your time & allow yourself the space to calm down!
- Focus on stress reduction first, not on the thing causing distress
- Avoid being ashamed of becoming distressed
- Use distress tolerance skills mindfully for maximum effectiveness
- Try to practice skills when not distressed; you’ll be more prepared when you need the skills most!

Mon, 01 Jan 0001 00:00:00 +0000

Turning the Mind#

Distress ToleranceWeek 8

How can radical acceptance help in a distressing situation?#

- When distressed, you may act in a way that’s ineffective or destructive. Radically accepting a situation ‘as it is’ is the first step in recognising the problem & using distress tolerance skills to minimise it.
- Radical acceptance is a choice.
Radical acceptance also applies to yourself. It means learning to accept yourself for who you are, and embracing yourself without judgement or criticism.

Mon, 01 Jan 0001 00:00:00 +0000

Coping Ahead#

Emotional RegulationWeek 6

If it doesn’t feel possible in the moment to “Cope Ahead”, use the STOPP Skill first!

Many things can make it difficult to cope with challenging situations, however being aware and planning ahead can help us to cope with difficult situations.

How to cope ahead#

Describe the situation
Imagine all the things that could go wrong.
Pre-plan how to cope with those things (e.g. distress tolerance skills or opposite action).
Practice by imagining things or speaking it out loud.
Rehearse the situation/problem in your head & imagine yourself solving it.
Practice relaxation after rehearsing. Rehearsing a solution is still activating the same part of the brain, so you still need to relax it afterwards (i.e. take a mindful moment !

Remember:

Mon, 01 Jan 0001 00:00:00 +0000

Surfing the Urge#

Emotional RegulationWeek 8

Sometimes, noticing a feeling can make it worse in the short-term. However, it’s important to acknowledge that feeling & give myself time to process emotions. By ignoring/repressing my own feelings & frustrations, I’m just extending my own distress and spreading those frustrations to those around me.

While addressing my issues directly is distressing in the short-term, it minimises long-term impacts of those problems, whether those issues would affect just myself or affect others too. To be blunt, keeping negative emotions/feelings/experiences pushed down is counter-intuitive. It’s important to process and understand what you feel & why, and to process this as soon as you can.

Mon, 01 Jan 0001 00:00:00 +0000

Validation#

Interpersonal EffectivenessWeek 2

What is validation?#
- A way of communicating empathy & understanding to another person.
- It does not mean that you like or agree with their thoughts, feelings or actions. It just means that you understand them.
Why is validation important?#
- Feeling understood & safe
- Deescalation of conflict & intense emotions
- Builds up identity & sense of self
- Helps to build a community of like-minded & safe people
- Ensures trust and understanding when communicating with others
- Opens the door for full communication, even in emotionally difficult situations

What is invalidation?#

Communicating that someone’s feelings aren’t real or don’t matter, and therefore aren’t worthy of time or respect.

Mon, 01 Jan 0001 00:00:00 +0000

Assertiveness#

Interpersonal EffectivenessWeek 5

What is assertiveness?#

Open communication without disregard for others
A grey area of compassion for everyone
Self-advocacy

Passive, Assertive & Aggressive#

Passive	Assertive	Aggressive
You win - “I don’t mind”, “that’s fine”, “yes alright”.	We both win - “that’s a good idea, and how about we did this too…”.	I win - “this is what we’re doing; if you don’t like it, tough”.
My needs are not met but your needs are met.	Both of our needs are met.	My needs are met, but your needs aren’t met.
Avoids eye contact, looking down & teary.	Warm, welcoming & friendly with comfortable eye contact.	Narrow, emotionless staring. Expressionless eye contact.
Body posture closed. Stooped or hunched shoulders.	Relaxed, open & welcoming body posture. Active listening & validation.	Upright posture. Head high & shoulders out. Hands on hips & feet apart.
Hands are together, fidgety & clammy.	Hands are open, friendly & with appropriate gestures.	Hands are pointing fingers, making or clenching fists. Hands on hips.
Compliant, submissive & minimal talking. Vague & non-committal communication. Puts self down while praising others.	Actions & expressions fit with the words spoken. Firm but polite & clear. Respectful of both themselves & others.	Sarcastic & harsh. Always right, superior “know-it-all” attitude. Interrupts & talks over others. Overly critical, patronising & disrespectful.
Giving into others, so you don’t get what you want or need. Low self esteem, with critical self-talk. Miserable.	Good relationship with others. Happy without outcome & to compromise.	Makes enemies. Upsets others & self. Leads to anger & resentment.

Positives of being Assertive#
- Healthier relationships.
- More effective communication.
- Mutual respect.
- Validation for everyone.
- Trust.
- Self-confidence & self-esteem.
Negatives of being Assertive#
- Some situations require a lot of flexibility.
- Being assertive may be futile if the other person doesn’t want to listen.
- Can be misunderstood as “aggression”, especially when utilised by an otherwise passive person.

Remember: It’s okay to be scared - it will get easier with practice!

Past, Present & Future

Mon, 01 Jan 0001 00:00:00 +0000

Past, Present & Future#

Distress ToleranceWeek 6

If we have one foot in the past & one foot in the present, there isn’t another foot to step into the future. To more forward, we have to let ourselves go from the past & take a step into the future.

Steps we have already taken cannot be changed. Steps we take in the future cannot be predicted. But we can decide where we step now, and how we can direct ourselves into the future we truly want.

Problem-Solving Tree

Mon, 01 Jan 0001 00:00:00 +0000

Problem-Solving Tree#

Emotional RegulationWeek 4

Can I do something about the problem now?#
- No? Try letting the worry go for now, maybe park it until later. Try focusing your attention elsewhere, use worry time , or use mindfulness !
- Yes? Great; onto step 2.
Can the problem be solved?#
- No? Try letting the worry go for now, maybe park it until later. Try focusing your attention elsewhere, use worry time , or use mindfulness !
- Yes? Try problem solving !

WHAT Skills

Mon, 01 Jan 0001 00:00:00 +0000

WHAT skills#

Emotional RegulationWeek 3

Identify

Identify#

Identify what is happening so you can do something about this feeling.

Remember If you don’t acknowledge your situation, then it is harder to make the productive choices.

Describe

Describe#

“I feel angry”

“It’s like a fireball inside me, ready to explode”

Evaluate

Evaluate#

Ask yourself:

How does this feeling help me?

How does this hinder me?

Action

Action#

Once you know what’s happening, you can do something about it.

Mon, 01 Jan 0001 00:00:00 +0000

How to Problem Solve#

Distress ToleranceWeek 2

Describe#
Describe the situation you’re currently dealing with.
Check the facts#
Identify your emotions & fears. What’s impacting your decision making? Are you thinking objectively? Are you able to see things from a different perspective?
Identify your goal#
What is your end goal?
List possible solutions#
Make a list of possible solutions. There’s no wrong answer; try to list as many as you can!
Choose a solution#
Remember to prioritise your own feelings & needs, as well as the feelings & needs of others. Make a plan of how it can be implemented.
Try it!#
Put the solution into action.
Evaluate the outcomes#
Did you reach the desired outcome? Reflect on what went well, and if anything could be improved.
Didn’t work? Try again!#
Don’t give up! Look at your list of solutions again and try the next best option. You’ve got this!

Mon, 01 Jan 0001 00:00:00 +0000

Dealing with distress#

Distress ToleranceWeek 3

While you’re calm, make sure you prepare by writing:

A list of personal distress signifiers.
- For example, you may deal with difficulty sleeping, irritability or harmful thoughts.
- When recovering from a crisis or period of distress, it’s important to look back & evaluate what you could have done differently. This isn’t to shame yourself, or to judge yourself, but to learn from your mistakes & find ways to intervene more quickly & effectively next time.

Mon, 01 Jan 0001 00:00:00 +0000

Importance of Change#

Distress ToleranceWeek 5

What are the pros & cons of change?#

Pros	Cons
Can change for the better	Fear
Exciting	Negative changes
New experiences	Can be difficult
Resilience	Can be hard to adjust to
Brave
Dismantling destructive behaviour
Sustainable

What makes change easier?#
- Understanding
- Focusing on the reasons for change
- External support/company
- Radical acceptance of what we can change vs what we can’t change
- Focusing on positivity
- Willingness

Mon, 01 Jan 0001 00:00:00 +0000

Emotional Regulation Systems#

Emotional RegulationWeek 4

If underdeveloped, it may present as:

an over-reaction to external stimuli, such as being easily affected by (relatively minor) perceived negativity.
an obsession with perfectionism
an inability to self-soothe in times of distress

Paul Gilbert’s evolutionary model proposes that human beings switch between these systems to manage their emotions. Each system is associated with different brain regions and different brain chemistry. Distress is caused by an imbalance between the systems, often associated with under-development of the soothing system.

Mon, 01 Jan 0001 00:00:00 +0000

Sleep Worry Cycle#

Emotional RegulationWeek 7

Avoid:#
- Predicting you will not sleep before you go to bed
- Worrying about the consequences that a lack of sleep may have
- If awake during the night - completing an activity that is not conjunctive to sleep
- Going to bed when you do not feel sleepy
- Associating being in bed with staying awake
- Using the bedroom for activities other than sleep
- Repeatedly checking the time
- Trying to catch up on sleep by napping during the day
- Not having a bedtime routine or time to relax at the end of the day
Instead, try to:#
- Redirect & reject thoughts of “I’m not going to sleep”
- Use WHAT skills & ground yourself in the ’now'.
- Stick to activities that are constructive to sleep, especially when you’ve woken up in the night:
  - Have an caffeine-free herbal tea or water
  - Read a book
  - Listen to some gentle music
- Only go to bed when you’re ready to sleep
- Get up for a bit if you’re struggling to fall asleep
- Stay awake throughout the day
- Keep to an evening/night-time routine

Mon, 01 Jan 0001 00:00:00 +0000

How to Validate#

Interpersonal EffectivenessWeek 2

Validating Others#
- Actively listen; don’t be dismissive
- Be mindful of non-verbal reactions & cues:
  - Going on phone
  - Sighing
  - Making light of it (e.g. “don’t be stupid” or “you’ll be fine”)
  - Facial expressions
  - Avoiding eye-contact
  - Walking away
- Take them seriously!
- Observe & identify their feelings in the moment; let them lead the conversation
- Ask them how they’re feeling

Mon, 01 Jan 0001 00:00:00 +0000

Your Relationship Rights#

Interpersonal EffectivenessWeek 3

It is okay to want or need something from someone else.#
I have a choice to ask someone for what I want or need.#
I can stand it if I don’t get what I want. I can’t stand it if I don’t get what I need.#
If somebody says “no”, it does not mean I never should have asked.#
If I didn’t get my objectives, that does not mean I did anything wrong.#
Standing up for myself over small things can be just as important as the big ones.#
I can insist on my rights and still be a good person.#
Sometimes I still have a right to advocate for myself, even though I may inconvenience others.#
The fact other people choose not to be assertive doesn’t mean that I can’t be.#
I can understand & validate another person, and still ask for what I want.#
My opinions are as valid as everyone else’s.#
I don’t have to please everyone all of the time, including those I care about.#
“Giving” constantly isn’t healthy; I am important too.#
If I refuse to do a favour for someone, it doesn’t mean that I don’t like them. It is their choice to believe that.#
I am under no obligation to say “yes” to everyone at all times.#
Saying “no” doesn’t make me selfish.#
If I say “no” and they get angry, it does not mean that I should have said “yes”.#
I can still feel good about myself, even when someone is annoyed at me.#

Mon, 01 Jan 0001 00:00:00 +0000

How to be Assertive#

Interpersonal EffectivenessWeek 5

Tone of voice#
- Be direct
- Calm, normal tone
- Comfortable speed
Body language#
- Comfortable relaxed stance
- Open & calm
- Relaxation & deep breathing exercises
Stick to the facts#
- Avoid assumptions, even if they feel true
- Be honest
- Avoid exaggeration
- Avoid “all or nothing” statements
Give time to others#
- Show care, compassion & compromise
- Be mindful
Communicate#
- Open, clear & direct communication
- Include sincere compliments
- Show understanding of their side
Remember:

Mon, 01 Jan 0001 00:00:00 +0000

Navigating Conflict#

Interpersonal EffectivenessWeek 7

A Guide to Navigating Conflict#

1. Establish personal boundaries.
2. Aim for a calm moment/time to speak.
3. Avoid threats.
4. Listen carefully.
5. Focus on a joint solution.
6. Stick to the boundaries set by both parties (including your own!).
7. Apologise for any aggressive speech or threats.
8. Only make big decisions with a calm mindset.
9. Be direct.
1. Talk about how you feel without blame.
2. Never say “never”/“always”.
3. Pick your battles - you can’t resolve everything.

Mon, 01 Jan 0001 00:00:00 +0000

Being Kind to Yourself#

Distress ToleranceWeek 2

- Self-care
  - List what self-care actually means to you. For example:
    - Cleaning & tidying
    - having a shower
    - Eating a meal
    - Self-care can be ensuring that you do the things you need to do, and not the things you want to do.
  - Self-care day
  - Conscious self-care time planned into each day (no matter what)
    - Let others know prior to the day/time if possible
      - If they’re unreasonably upset by the boundaries placed, they should be reconsidered as someone worth being around.
- Mindfulness
- Self-affirmation
- Acknowledge my own feelings & beliefs without judgement
- Setting boundaries
- Journalling the day
- Spending time with myself without guilt
- PLEASE Skill
- Check the facts of my core beliefs as they arise
- Building mastery to build confidence
- Use Opposite Action ; challenge my perceptions of myself
- Set intentions, not expectations
- Care for my inner child - acknowledge the things they needed & fulfil those needs
- Don’t feel guilty about feeling guilt or shame; it’s not my fault
- I’m not a bad person - positive self-talk & affirmation
Remember: Perfection is a moving target.

Mon, 01 Jan 0001 00:00:00 +0000

Impulsivity#

Distress ToleranceWeek 3

What is it?#

- Acting without thinking about the consequences of your actions.
- Usually occurs in reaction to an event that caused an emotional response (either positive or negative).
- Associated with undesirable outcomes.
- Reactions do not make someone a bad person.
- Impulsivity does not make someone a bad person.
Not all impulsive behaviours are negative.

Mon, 01 Jan 0001 00:00:00 +0000

Managing Anger#

Distress ToleranceWeek 4

Remove myself from the situation
Channel my anger into something positive
Grounding skills
Write down what I can control vs what I cannot control
Put my energy into the things I can control
DEAR MAN
FAST skill
Radical acceptance
Wise mind
ACCEPTS Skill
Give it time, ride the wave
Opposite action
Anger can be secondary to other emotions; once calmed down, explore what the initial trigger may have been & why it may have happened.

Mon, 01 Jan 0001 00:00:00 +0000

Thinking Styles#

Distress ToleranceWeek 8

All or nothing - black & white thinking#
- “I am a bad person because I make mistakes”
- Use Wise Mind , Helicopter thinking , or STOPP
Catastrophising#
- “Everybody is going to leave me”, “everybody hates me”, “I don’t do anything right”, or “nobody truly cares about me”
- Check the facts, use Coping Ahead & Radical Acceptance
Mind Reading#
- “I’ve upset them”, “they’re angry at me” or “I put them in a bad mood”
- Reject confirmation bias, tolerate uncomfortability & check the facts
Overgeneralisation#
- “I do everything wrong”, “I’m lazy” or “I’m not trying hard enough”
- Check the facts & tolerate uncomfortability
Mental filter#
- “Everything I do is wrong”, “today has been awful” or “I want to break up with XYZ”
- Check the facts & opposite action
Disqualifying the positive#
- Downplaying positive experiences as luck, or attributing all good things to other people.
- Check the facts.
Emotional reasoning#
- Misreading & distorting situations negatively (to fit my core beliefs). Identifying thoughts, feelings or core beliefs as factual.
- Check the facts, tolerate uncomfortability
“Should” statements#
- Trying to change the past & not accepting how things have impacted the present
- Take a deep breath , Wise Mind ACCEPTS distressing thoughts
Labelling#
- Assuming the opinions and beliefs of others without explanations
- Avoid assumptions, FACE & check the facts
Personalisation#
- Assuming I am always the problem
- Self-affirmation, self-validation & empathy.

Mon, 01 Jan 0001 00:00:00 +0000

Opposite Action#

Emotional RegulationWeek 3

It’s very easy to react to a familiar emotion in the same way as usual. When we do this, we get ‘stuck’ and nothing changes. Changing what we want to do, into something we need to do, is the key to a true change.

Emotion	Urge	Opposite action
Anxiety/Fear	Avoid	Approach
Sadness	Withdraw	Get active
Anger	Attack/defend	Be calm/diffuse/withdraw
Envy	Sabotage or criticise	Be grateful
Jealousy	Accuse/spy on	Let go of control
Guilt	To repair	Be open/accept
Shame	To hide	Approach
Irritation	Snap/argue	Show understanding
Disappointment	Destroy/sabotage	Make a new plan
Worry	Ruminate/recall	Distract self
Loneliness	Wallow/self-pity	Do something active
Depression	Hide away	Do something positive
Overwhelmed	Panic	Be mindful
Rejected	Get angry	Be kind to yourself
Criticised/put-down	Withdraw/hide	Get up and get on with it
Nervous	Avoid	Try it!
Apprehensive	Shy away	Approach
Isolated	Hide away	Go out

Mon, 01 Jan 0001 00:00:00 +0000

Worry Time#

Emotional RegulationWeek 4

It’s normal to worry about a problem & it may be useful to try ‘Worry Time’ to help manage worries:

Write down your worry.
Schedule a time in the day specifically as ‘Worry Time’, and put your worries away into a physical box or jar.
Try to let the worry go for now, and remind yourself that you have a set time to think about the worry later.

Note: You are not ignoring the worry, you are delaying it until ‘Worry Time’.

Mon, 01 Jan 0001 00:00:00 +0000

Accumulating Positive Experiences#

Emotional RegulationWeek 5

This is not an attempt to avoid negative emotions but is a way to expand our experiences, in order to provide alternatives to difficult times.

Always remember to:

Try new things & appreciate the opportunities you have, even if those things don’t go well.
- Don’t be afraid of messing up; it’s okay if things go wrong!
- You’re allowed to make mistakes, it doesn’t mean that you “wasted your time”.
- Give yourself a bit of grace; you’re doing your best.
Do something for yourself, even if you don’t want to or don’t feel like you deserve to.
- You’re building yourself up again from the bottom, and that takes time.
Allow yourself to stop when you want to stop.
- Be content in your own being.
- If you feel stuck, use opposite action and push yourself in a new direction.
- Try to think outside the box.
- Use timers & clocks to avoid losing track of time; it’s okay to stop a task midway through if that’s what you need to do.

A Structured 15-Minute Meditation

Mon, 01 Jan 0001 00:00:00 +0000

A Structured 15-Minute Meditation#

Interpersonal EffectivenessWeek 6

Acknowledge the difficulty of the task or situation.
Acknowledge the difficulties in early life that led to this point.
Don’t believe social media. Don’t compare yourself & your progress to others.
We are not entirely in control of our lives.
Your whole worth isn’t based on your accomplishments.
This crisis will pass.
Take life as it comes - “one day at a time”
Rest.

Ways to Say "No"

Mon, 01 Jan 0001 00:00:00 +0000

Ways to say “No”#

Interpersonal EffectivenessWeek 5

Direct “No”#

For when the other person has a problem, but you don’t have to allow it to be yours too.
- Aim to say “no” without apologising.
- Act as if you’re dealing with a salesperson.
Reflecting “No”#

Reflect back the content & feeling of the request, with the refusal added to the end.
- “I know you’re looking forward to going the pub tonight but I can’t.”
Reasoned “No”#

Brief, genuine reason for refusal.

Mon, 01 Jan 0001 00:00:00 +0000

Relationship Circles#

Interpersonal EffectivenessWeek 3

1. Draw on the diagram how ‘close’ you feel people are to you within your life at the moment.
  - Remember: ‘close’ means they have a lot to do with you within your life, not necessarily how much you like them.
  For example:
  - “I have a good relationship with my mum who I talk to about my life therefore I would put mum in the circle with me”
  - “I don’t have a good/close relationship with my friend Julie so I would put them on the outside circle”
  - “I have a good relationship with my cousin, but I haven’t seen them in years, so I would put them on the outside circle”
  - “I don’t like my housemate, but we talk everyday and they have a significant impact on my wellbeing, therefore I would put them in the circle with me”
2. Now draw on the diagram where you would like these people to be.

Does It Fit The Facts?

Mon, 01 Jan 0001 00:00:00 +0000

Does it fit the facts?#

Emotional RegulationWeek 3

When the emotion doesn’t fit the facts, doing the opposite action can help to alleviate it.

Emotion	It “fits the facts” when:	Opposite action
Fear	There is a threat to you or someone you care about.	FACE it.
Anger	There is a threat/insult to yourself or someone/group of people you care about.	Leave the situation, do something nice instead, or try to empathise with their point of view.
Sadness	You have lost something or someone permanently, or things aren’t what you want/hoped for/expected.	Get active, avoid isolating yourself, and celebrate your achievements.
Love	Loving a person or animal in a way that enhances your life, the lives of those around you, and helps you to attain your goals.	Spend some time apart.
Shame	Being rejected by a person or group you care about, or a private/personal characteristic is made public.	Don’t apologise.
Guilt	Your behaviour breaks your own morals or rules.	Just be yourself, and express yourself how you want to.

Short-Term Goals

Mon, 01 Jan 0001 00:00:00 +0000

Short-Term Goals#

Emotional RegulationWeek 5

Do pleasant things which are possible now!

Self-care
- Soaking in the bath
- Laughing
- Remembering beautiful scenery
- Taking care of my plants
- Singing around the house
- Sleeping
- Cooking
Practical
- Planning my career
- Getting out of (paying off) debt
- Planning a day’s activities
- Saving money
- Repairing things around the house
- Planning parties
Hobbies
- Collecting things (coins, shells)
- Working on my car/bike
- Playing musical instruments
- Doing arts and crafts
- Writing books, poems articles

Leisure

Long-Term Goals

Mon, 01 Jan 0001 00:00:00 +0000

Long-Term Goals#

Emotional RegulationWeek 5

Work towards your goals!

Ask yourself:

Are you avoiding anything important? What’s holding you back?

What’s important to you?

What are your goals?

What do we do now?

Try to distract from:
- Thinking about when the positive experience will end.
- Thinking about whether you deserve this positive experience.
- Thinking about how much more might be expected of you now.
- Multitasking/completing several activities at the same time mindlessly.
Instead, be mindful of positive experiences:

Mon, 01 Jan 0001 00:00:00 +0000

Building Mastery#

Emotional RegulationWeek 5

Mindfully completing activities & experiences can build up our confidence. Better confidence equals better self-esteem, which is essential when combatting difficult emotions or battling the shame cycle.

flowchart LR
A(Competence) --> B(Experience) --> C(Knowledge) --> D(Skills) --> E(Behaviour) --> F(Performance) --> G(Goals)

Tips for building mastery:

Do one thing every day to progress myself, no matter how small.

Plan for success & trust my own judgement.

Make steps as small & gradual as possible. Finding it too difficult? Break up the task even more.

Mon, 01 Jan 0001 00:00:00 +0000

Cycle of Change#

Emotional RegulationWeek 2

What makes problem solving so difficult?#
- Fear
- Distress
- Other people’s opinions
- Motivation
- Dissociation
- Physical health
- Recognising what the problem is
- Tired
- Anxiety
- Indecisiveness
- Judgement
- Uncertainty
- Isolation
- Self-doubt

Mon, 01 Jan 0001 00:00:00 +0000

Breathing exercises#

Emotional RegulationWeek 4

Exercise

A Helping Hand(book)

Discussing Problem Solving#

Pros & Cons#

What might we need?#

What might get in the way?#

Deep Breathing#

How to deep breathe#

General tips#

Turning the Mind#

How can radical acceptance help in a distressing situation?#

Coping Ahead#

How to cope ahead#

Surfing the Urge#

Validation#

What is validation?#

Why is validation important?#

What is invalidation?#

Assertiveness#

What is assertiveness?#

Passive, Assertive & Aggressive#

Positives of being Assertive#

Negatives of being Assertive#

Past, Present & Future

Past, Present & Future#

Problem-Solving Tree

Problem-Solving Tree#

Can I do something about the problem now?#

Can the problem be solved?#

WHAT Skills

WHAT skills#

Identify#

Describe#

Evaluate#

Action#

How to Problem Solve#

Describe#

Check the facts#

Identify your goal#

List possible solutions#

Choose a solution#

Try it!#

Evaluate the outcomes#

Didn’t work? Try again!#

Dealing with distress#

Importance of Change#

What are the pros & cons of change?#

What makes change easier?#

Emotional Regulation Systems#

Sleep Worry Cycle#

Avoid:#

Instead, try to:#

How to Validate#

Validating Others#

Your Relationship Rights#

It is okay to want or need something from someone else.#

I have a choice to ask someone for what I want or need.#

I can stand it if I don’t get what I want. I can’t stand it if I don’t get what I need.#

If somebody says “no”, it does not mean I never should have asked.#

If I didn’t get my objectives, that does not mean I did anything wrong.#

Standing up for myself over small things can be just as important as the big ones.#

I can insist on my rights and still be a good person.#

Sometimes I still have a right to advocate for myself, even though I may inconvenience others.#

The fact other people choose not to be assertive doesn’t mean that I can’t be.#

I can understand & validate another person, and still ask for what I want.#

My opinions are as valid as everyone else’s.#

I don’t have to please everyone all of the time, including those I care about.#

“Giving” constantly isn’t healthy; I am important too.#

If I refuse to do a favour for someone, it doesn’t mean that I don’t like them. It is their choice to believe that.#

I am under no obligation to say “yes” to everyone at all times.#

Saying “no” doesn’t make me selfish.#

If I say “no” and they get angry, it does not mean that I should have said “yes”.#

I can still feel good about myself, even when someone is annoyed at me.#

How to be Assertive#

Tone of voice#

Body language#

Stick to the facts#

Give time to others#

Communicate#

Navigating Conflict#

A Guide to Navigating Conflict#